The Triple Trio Dossier
22 February 2005
Under Hong Kong's powerful Code on Access to Information, Webb-site.com has obtained a secret Government dossier on the new "Three Child Policy", which carries the internal codename of "Triple Trio".
Recognising the benefits of central planning rather than family planning, newly-promoted Bishop Donald Tsang has been diligently working on bringing the Vatican's "no sperm left behind" policy to Hong Kong.
Assisted by the mathematically-gifted Financial Secretary Henry Tang (if only we had three of him), Bishop Tsang calculated that by putting together Hong Kong's new Three Child Policy with the mainland's One Child Policy, each family should end up with an average of 2 children, assuming that one parent is from Hong Kong and the other is from mainland China, as is increasingly the case. The new strategy will be known as the "One Country, Two Children" system.
Readers will recall that back in 1999, the Hong Kong Government usurped the Court of Final Appeal and obtained a "reinterpretation" of the Basic Law from the Standing Committee of the National People's Congress, removing the right of abode of children born after their parent became a Hong Kong permanent resident. At the time, Government was worried about another possible influx of refugee children from Guangdong, home to many of the wives (or second wives) of Hong Kong men.
After another CFA ruling, the Government has also taken steps to discourage mainland women on tourist visas giving birth in Hong Kong, as it would give their children right of abode here.
But in a strategic shift, the business-government plutocracy has realised that if the population doesn't keep growing, then there won't be much demand for new property, and they can wave goodbye to oligopoly development profits and the land revenue that finances the salaries of our over-paid civil service, not to mention their comfortable post-retirement jobs with the cartel.
Measures found in the Triple Trio dossier include:
- a 500% tax on condoms, to be introduced in the next budget
- the condom tax to be used to fund a new depository to be named HSBC, the Hongkong Sperm Bank Corporation
- amending the employment ordinance to introduce a monthly "ovulation leave day" for couples
- amending the broadcasting ordinance to ban TV broadcasting after 10pm, except in Yuen Long, where breeding is to be discouraged to preserve the local ecology
- cigarette packs to be bundled with compulsory Viagra
- electricity prices in Mid-levels to be raised by Hong Kong Electric after 10pm, to encourage the professional classes to put the lights out and breed the "right" sort of baby; and
- an oyster subsidy for members of the Hong Kong Club - at that age, you need them.
Stanley Ho, one of Bishop Donald's biggest fans, has set an example to us all with his 17 children. When asked to comment for this story, he said "go forth, and multiply" - or words to that effect.
© Webb-site.com, 2005
Topics in this story
Sign up for our free newsletter
Recommend Webb-site to a friend